Shame is a quiet thief. It doesn’t just steal your joy, it steals your voice, confidence, and ability to look in the mirror and see someone worthy. For many LGBTQ+ individuals, especially those who grew up in environments where being different was shame becomes an unwanted mate from the earliest years. It clings to you, shaping your choices and whispering lies about who you are allowed to be.
In From Faggot to Grampa, Brian Raines tells the story of a life lived under the weight of this kind of shame, and the long, brave journey toward self-acceptance. His memoir is both raw and hopeful, monitoring the transformation from a closeted young man, burdened by societal expectations, religious judgment, and an adopted negative self-view, to a proud gay grandfather who no longer apologizes for existing as he is.
For Brian, shame began early. He grew up in a time and place where any unconventionality from the “norm” was met with worse. He learned to hide parts of himself, to perform a role that the world would find acceptable. That meant marrying a woman he loved deeply but could not love in the way she deserved, hiding himself in work, and avoiding the painful truth that remained just below the surface.
Brian’s breakthrough came when he began to confront not only the lies society told him but the lies he told himself. Therapy, particularly EMDR, became a turning point, allowing him to address the trauma that had kept him bound for decades and led him towards healing and self-acceptance.
Self-acceptance for Brian became a practice that made him stronger, waking up each day and choosing not to apologize for who he was. It made him set boundaries with those who could not or would not see him fully. It allowed him to find communities, such as the Unitarian Universalists, that affirm his identity rather than demand to erase it.
Perhaps the most inspiring part of his journey is that it didn’t need him to abandon love or family in order to be himself. Brian Raines’s memoir respects the flexibility of his marriage, the strength of his bond with his children and grandchildren, and the reality that authenticity can deepen relationships rather than destroy them.
For readers who have struggled with their shame, whether about sexuality, gender, past mistakes, or simply being different, Brian’s journey offers a map. It begins with naming the truth you’ve hidden. It continues with surrounding yourself with those who will hold that truth with care.
Shame can feel like a life sentence. But From Faggot to Grampa is a reminder that it doesn’t have to be. The same life that began in fear and self-denial can end in love and self-celebration.
Grab your copy on Amazon to learn more: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1917399383.
